笑话还可以指以一句短语或一个小故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑，或是产生幽默感。笑话具有篇幅短小、故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性等特点，以下是小编整理的英语小笑话，仅供参考，希望能够帮助到大家。
英语小笑话 1
why is he howling.
他为什么喊
dentist: please stop howling. i havent even touched your tooth yet.
牙医：请你不要再喊了!我还没碰你的牙呢。
patient: i know, but you are standing on my foot!
病人：我知道，可是你正踩着我的脚呀!
英语小笑话 2
As the mother of three small children born two years apart, Im often very tired in the evening. Their father and I have set strict rules that after stories，prayers, one drink and the bathroom scene，they must go to bed and stay there.
One night，after a particularly trying day，all three were finally tucked in and I headed to the kitchen for some cookies，milk and solitude. I had just started to relax when I was surrounded by three little people，standing there watching me eat. Turning to their father I asked，"Do we relent or stick with the rules?"
Our three-year-old piped up，”Stick with the rules,Mom. "
Knowing she didnt really want to be sent back to bed,I asked，"And what are the rules，Mellisa?"
"Share with one another,"she replied.
英语小笑话 3
Nurse: Dont you like your new baby sister, Johnnie?
保育员：约翰尼，你难道不喜欢你的`小妹妹吗?
Johnnie: Shes all right, but I wish she had been a boy. Willie Smith had got a new sister, and now hell think Im trying to copy him.
约翰尼：那倒不是。她要是个男孩就好了。威利有了一个新生的小妹妹，现在他该认为我又在学他的样子了。
英语小笑话 4
Boy: Is this seat empty?
Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
男孩：这个座位是空的么？
女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的.。
英语小笑话 5
Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告诉我汤姆，哪个月有28天呢？
汤姆：每个月都有啊！
英语小笑话 6
A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"Im going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”
Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and Ill have a duplicate put on my chest. "
We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.
英语小笑话 7
Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized，adding; "You certainly are lucky. Were right next to a doctors office."
"I dont know how lucky that is ,"my husband replied."I m the doctor. "
英语小笑话 8
Hello everyone!My name is ~~.Now,I am 12 years old. I am from ~~.I am a student in NO.1middle school .I like football with my sister after school .I am good at drawing.And i am likelearning English.Ican speak very well!
Do you want to make friend with me ?
译文
大家好!我的名字是~ ~.现在,我12岁了.我来自~ ~.我就读于第一中学.我喜欢踢足球和我姐姐在放学后.我擅长于画画.我喜欢学习英语. 我能讲英语讲得很好!
你想和我交朋友吧?
英语小笑话 9
Kate: Mom, do you know what Im going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But Ive got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you havent. Ive just dropped it.
凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?
妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀?
凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。
妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。
凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。
英语小笑话 10
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
英语小笑话 11
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didnt cry, but the teacher did!
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的.祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?
哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
英语小笑话 12
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go Slow" .
老师：汤姆，你为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：“学校——慢行”。
英语小笑话 13
A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"Im going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”
Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and Ill have a duplicate put on my chest. "
We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.
英语小笑话 14
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: Its no use, my little dog cant read.
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的.，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语小笑话 15
About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas，I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away，the phone rang，and I answered it，expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought youd like to know,"the operator said,"that just after you hung up，the woman said,I love you. "
即将因工作远征出海，我就在西海岸军营地用一个投币电话给我的妻子拨了个电话。我刚要离开，电话铃响了。我估计是让我交超时费，所以只好去接。接话员说:“我想你可能想知道，你刚挂断电话，那个女的就说‘我爱你’。”
英语小笑话 16
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly whats wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "Ive just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, Im an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的'体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
英语小笑话 17
who was the first man? 谁是世界上第一个男人
a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”
一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”
“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.
一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”
“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.
老师带着宠溺的`笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”
“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”
这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”
英语小笑话 18
a doctor came into the hospital ward and said to mr. johnson, "i have some good news and some bad news for you."
一位医生走进医院的病房，告诉强森先生：“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。”
then mr. johnson said, "please, give me the good news first."
强森先生说：“请先告诉我好消息吧!”
so the doctor said, "the doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you."
医生说：“本院的.医师决定用你的名字，来为一种不治之症命名。”
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